Parvyn: “Motherhood has given me a broader range of experience to draw from”
Photo: Michelle Grace Hunder
Parvyn Kaur Singh is a Punjabi Australian singer and dancer. Best known as lead vocalist ‘The Mysterious Lady’ in cult psychedelic band Bombay Royale, she is influenced by electronica, jazz, RnB, her background in Sikh devotional music, and her training in Indian classical music & dance.
Her recently released debut solo album ‘Sa’ features collaborations with producers Joelistics, Yelderbert, and Bob Knob of HopeStreet Recordings. Parvyn lives in Melbourne with her partner, musician and educator Josh Bennett – and their 5-year-old son, Ravi.
Hi Parvyn, thanks for speaking with Mother Lode! Can you tell us a bit about your motherhood journey... Where you were in terms of your career when you fell pregnant?
We were trying for a baby just after the second Bombay Royale album was released. I was hoping to fit the pregnancy around our tour plans and the band’s album cycle, but unfortunately I had a miscarriage. It was a tough lesson that you can’t really plan motherhood and expect it to fit to your own timeline. After that experience I let go of trying to control it, and eventually I fell pregnant when Bombay Royale were working on our third album, Run Kitty Run.
I was hesitant to even try for a baby initially, because I was worried about the impact it would have on my career, and my bandmates in Bombay Royale, too. But I got the advice that it’s never going to be the “perfect” time to become a mum, so just try – and life will figure itself out.
About to go on stage at St Kilda Festival, 2016.
How did you imagine motherhood would affect your music career and creative output? And how accurate was that?
I had a lot more energy before having a child, so I thought I would take it all in my stride and my life would carry on the same! For the most part it has – I still make a living out of my art (although the pandemic continues to challenge that more than motherhood ever has... But it’s hard, for sure. Having to make childminding arrangements for late night gigs, or the extra packing when touring with a child... Entertaining Ravi all day and then having the energy to devote to my art at night... It's exhausting. On the flip-side, I do think motherhood has given me a broader range of experience to draw from when I’m songwriting. Having to consciously connect with my sense of self and my emotions when they are constantly tested by parenthood makes for a more self-realised “me".
Talk us through some of the challenges for you, personally. We’d love to hear what helped you through.
Emotionally, my biggest challenge has been the never-ending feeling of responsibility to show up and be the best version of myself for this little person, because he deserves it. I want my son to live in a world of love, kindness, health, safety, creativity and sustainability – so as his role model, I need to follow that path too.
My training in meditation (Vipassana) and yoga has helped me to be mindful; to not react when I’m in tense parenting situations, but breathe through the frustration and act with a clear and conscious mind. The knowledge that I am doing good, important work by being a present mother for Ravi drives me through the tiredness and helps me step up.
My partner Josh and I have been working together for over a decade. We are in several bands, but our main work has been presenting Indian cultural education shows in schools across the country. Running these workshops was our main source of income, alongside other performing & recording work. But touring as a family with no external babysitting help is getting harder as Ravi grows and needs a more stable environment and consistent school attendance.
While we haven’t found a solution for this yet, it has encouraged Josh and I to find other creative projects, separate from each other – and by collaborating with other artists and musicians I’ve extend my own artistic expression. So that’s a positive.
Baby Ravi and Josh rehearsing with The Bombay Royale, 2017.
How child/mum friendly have you found the music industry?
Generally I’ve found the music industry – especially festivals – to be very supportive! When Ravi was only 4 months old, I had my first interstate show since becoming a mum at Festival of Voices in Tasmania. They were so supportive of me bringing Ravi and my partner along. Also, childminding facilities at festivals like Woodford are a huge help!
But I certainly have had moments at gigs when I’ve needed to pump milk in a dark and dingy “dressing room” in a local pub-style venue. Not very glamorous (or even hygienic!) but at least the band let me have the space for a while without interruption, and the bar manager let me store the milk in their fridge!
Funnily enough, it was on tour presenting our cultural education workshops that I received complaints about having Ravi along. Since then, I’ve had to leave Ravi at home, and find other performers to present the school shows with.
Pumping breastmilk in a “band room”, 2017.
How has the pandemic affected your creative practice and family life?
There have been waves of creativity and accomplishment, and then despair and inactivity. I managed to finish and release my album ‘Sa’, which was a mammoth task... But now, when ordinarily I would be out touring the material and connecting with audiences, I have been pushed back with constant postponements and cancellations. It’s disheartening, and difficult to maintain momentum without live shows to keep my creativity flowing. I am incredibly desperate to play these songs live with my band – and feel like I need to perform the album live before I can gauge where I will go next with my songwriting.
Thankfully, Ravi has been mostly fine throughout the pandemic. My career can wait, but this first year of school is such a crucial time in Ravi’s learning – it will shape his life and habits. Even while homeschooling during lockdowns, we were more focused on making sure Ravi was happy and emotionally fulfilled. That has been the most important thing for me.
I don’t hide my emotions from him, but neither do I want to “take it out on him”, or talk too much about how the pandemic is affecting me. If anything I would say, “I’m not feeling very well today, please be a bit gentle with Mummy,” and he responds with lots of cuddles and then we read books in the sunlight. When he is older perhaps we’ll talk about how low I really felt, and how he pushed me to keep going, with love.
Parvyn & Ravi on tour together.
How has motherhood expressed itself in your music, in particular your debut album ‘Sa’?
Art is a reflection of life. The more life I get to experience, the richer I am as an artist, and the more I have to draw from. So naturally, Ravi and motherhood are a source of inspiration in my music.
My album ‘Sa’ opens with the song ‘Jara’, named after the forgotten South Indian goddess. In mythology, Jara was a cannibalising demon. When she came across the two halves of a child that was birthed by the King’s two wives, she was overcome with motherly love and joined them together to create a healed, whole child. She was then worshipped as the goddess for health and wellbeing in the household.
‘Sa’ then finishes with an instrumental track ‘The Sun’ – an ode to my son Ravi, whose name means ‘Sun’. There’s pre-dawn birds, recorded outside my bedroom window… My partner Josh is on the sitar, and you can hear 8-month-old Ravi’s baby gurgles and giggles. (These were actually recorded years earlier, during my vocal sessions for the final Bombay Royale album).
So in a way, ‘The Sun’ brings the album themes full circle – my journey from being The Mysterious Lady in Bombay Royale, to finally releasing my own solo music... From going through a time of deep darkness in early motherhood, to coming through to the light in the end. Ravi grounds me more than anything. I am so grateful for him.
If the content of this interview brought up some heavy feelings for you, please reach out.
SANDS – 1300 072 637. An independent Australian organisation that provides support for newborn death, stillbirth and miscarriage.
PANDA (Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia) - 1300 726 306. An organisation that provides support for those affected by anxiety and depression during pregnancy and in the first year of parenthood.