Playing the long game with Mezz Coleman
“In many ways, my entire career has unfolded simultaneously with being a mother. I have never booked a gig without also booking a babysitter.”
Mezz Coleman knows how to play the long game.
The 37-year-old singer, songwriter, vocal teacher and mother of two fell pregnant at 20-years-old while undertaking her Bachelor of Music at the prestigious Victorian College of the Arts.
“There was this real assumption with my peers and even some teachers that I would stop performing – that it was ‘all over’... Which was pretty depressing, as it hadn’t even begun for me yet!”
Coleman persevered with her degree and attended her graduation ceremony with her newborn son. “My boobs leaked the entire time.”
Coleman and her partner met as teenagers, and are remarkably still together today. Being the first couple in their friendship group to become parents, they found themselves on a steep learning curve.
“I was very young and naive... I genuinely believed I was just going to strap my baby into a sling and go about life as normal; do all the songwriting, rehearsing, touring with him just quietly by my side.”
“I never imagined how much a baby could cry, not sleep, and be generally unimpressed by the music I was making”, she laughs.
Coleman was determined not to let motherhood affect her plans to record and release and EP. “While I’m proud of the fact that I did do those things when my son was very little, in hindsight it was extremely stressful. I wish that my younger self had more courage to ask for help in those early years.”
Once working in the broader music industry, Coleman quickly noticed her situation was unique.
“My peers were either young graduates like me, but without a toddler to worry about... Or they were slightly older musician-mothers who had established their careers before having children. I couldn’t relate to either.”
She describes the experience as “isolating”, and fertile ground for the age-old idiom of compare and despair. “If anything, seeing what the more established working mothers were able to achieve while raising kids made me feel insanely jealous and deflated.”
Coleman spent the following years discovering her identity as a mother and a musician. “I didn’t fit into either box – the young, carefree graduate, or the established musician-mother... and ultimately, it was liberating.”
“I realised I have so much space to forge my own path.”
Now, six years after her previous EP ‘Words’, Coleman is working on her second studio album, produced with Rohan Sforcina (Oh Mercy, Ali Barter), and featuring the talents of Josh Jones on bass (Dan Sultan), Louis Spencely on drums (Eastbound Buzz), with her long-time collaborator and brother Pete Carr on guitar.
“It’s not my first release, but it’s been so long between drinks that in many ways, it feels like a debut all over again”, she says – with more joy than trepidation. The “big, sonic pop” album is due for release 2022.
So, with Coleman a indie music veteran of nearly 20 years experience, we wanted to ask: how family-friendly has she found the music industry? Has it changed over time?
Looking back, she acknowledges that “the industry was rubbish, but individuals within the industry were beautiful and supportive. I had a lot of good friends who went above and beyond to make me and my son feel welcome.”
But structurally speaking, it was a different story. “No rehearsal studios or venues had facilities to breastfeed or express milk, so I was doing that either sitting in my car, or in dirty public toilets, or just out in the open.”
“I knocked back a lot of opportunities at the time because I couldn’t see how to make it work with having a baby – it makes me sad to think about it now.”
But things are changing, slowly. “I’ve noticed that afternoon shows have become more common in the last 10 years or so. Daytime shows were pretty rare when I was starting out, and could have made things more manageable for me and my little family.”
Sitting side of stage with her daughter.
Mothers who work in freelance or creative roles often find themselves shifting the goal posts on their definition of success after children arrive. For some, this may feel like a relinquishment, or proof they “haven’t made it”.
But Coleman sees this as an opportunity to strategically craft a concept of success that aligns with our deeper values – to take control of the narrative, and practice some self-compassion in the process.
“The notion of ‘success’ is something I have been grappling with my whole career”, she says. “But over the past few years, I have explicitly formed some touchstones to return to. For me, these are:
I make really good and authentic music that connects with people
I make a living as a musician (this includes teaching)
My audience is growing (note that I don’t specify how fast and large it is growing, it’s just growing!)
I work with people I respect, and who respect me – as an artist and a person
Every day I get to live and breathe creativity.
“So, when my self-critic gets very loud, I come back to these measures of success and remember I am already living it. It really helps. It doesn’t mean I don’t have other specific goals or things I want to achieve – but at the baseline, this is what matters to me. And I’m doing it.”
Singing a duet with her daughter.
Mezz gives us 3 practical ways musician-mums can stay connected to our creative communities during the challenging years of early motherhood.
DO ONE SMALL THING
“A snail’s pace is still a pace. If performing and recording and Doing It All feels impossible right now, that’s okay!
“What is one small thing can you do to keep your toe in the water during this season? Perhaps you play just one special gig for the year, or book in one co-writing session. Maybe you offer to sing harmonies on a friend’s single. Perhaps you get a babysitter and go to a local gig! You probably won’t be able to do all these things at once, or do them very often, but try committing to just one.
“And if you can maintain just one or two small things that make you feel like you are still a musician and you haven’t lost that part of your identity, then I promise you – jumping back into the scene with both feet when your kids are older will be so much easier!
“Accept that (for now) you may only be able to take tiny steps forward, and take them anyway. Have faith.”
SUPPORT, SUPPORT, SUPPORT
“Asking for help is hard, but not asking is ultimately harder. Music is often a labour of love, and we’re not always making a lot of money, so it can feel like we’re not entitled to ask for support.
“But please, learn from my mistakes and ask a trusted friend or family member for a few hours babysitting so you can compose or attend a rehearsal. And if you have a partner, they should actively share the childcare responsibilities and enable you to carve out some creative time. I am amazed that this is still a conversation we need to be having.”
DISENGAGE FROM THE COMPARISON GAME
“Unfollow that artist who triggers your jealousy. Actively tell yourself all the cool things you are doing (or have done in the past). Be your own hype gal! As much as possible, disengage from the Comparison Game which is super unhelpful, especially when you are already feeling fragile as a new mum.
“Learning to stop comparing myself to other artists has probably been my biggest challenge – I have wasted so many hours and heartache with this. I still do it now, but I catch myself in the act and deliberately try to disengage before falling into the comparison vortex! As hard as it is, try to stay in your lane. Celebrate your wins, as small as they may seem.
“They are, after all, your own.”
You can follow Mezz’s adventures in music-making and child-raising on her Instagram & Facebook.
The audio version of this article features the track ‘Begin pt. I’ by ambient guitarist (and new dad!) Joshua Teicher. Thank you, Josh!